I Remember Watching Her Break

We’re all humans. Why are some people so brutal?

17 years old.  She cries to me, because she hates herself. She feels so disconnected. So hated. She tells me that her life feels worthless to her. I can’t tell if she actually means it. I worry for her. I’d do anything for her.

16. Her bulimia has almost got the best of her. I’m not sure what to tell her accept a cliché , “You’re perfect the way you are, Bailey.” Because it’s not like I need more than one bandage to reattach a heart.

15. Her words cut into me- our first real argument- and I don’t go to school the next day. I can’t help but wonder how she got to be so harsh.

14. I start talking with the pretty girl in the back, who likes my best friend. She’s changed a little from when I last knew her. Still doesn’t have many friends, and struggles to reach out.

13.

12. She looks happy.

11.

10. She doesn’t fit in.

9. A boy yells, “Bailey licked the water fountain!” Everybody laughs and moves over to the fountain that she didn’t ‘lick’. I know she didn’t actually lick it, but I wait in the longer line, anyway. She cries in the corner.

8. I see a boy push her over

8.  Five guys start the chant, “Ug-ly Bai-ly, Ug-ly Bai-ly, Ug-ly Bai-ly”. I can see how she is wilting.

8. They make fun of her for having cheerio breath.

8. The teachers don’t say anything

8.Like a shadow, I don’t say anything. Like I could ever cast my vote, simply as “present”.

                                                “Present” isn’t a vote.

7.

6. First grade. I meet a happy little girl in a happy little dress.

She looks friendly

, but I decide not to talk to her.

…She’s just a little too quirky for my first grade, egocentric eyes.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1. I didn’t know her before first grade, but she tells me that she was happy-

 just as little kids are

Before the humans,

-Violent and Critical,

Broke Her,

As though

she wasn’t

one

of

us.